Bud / Miller / Coors (you like simple life, or to be president)
Blue Moon or other Belgian style (you like handcuffs)
Red Stripe (you like canes)
Guinness (you like Texas oil --- or just Texas, or oil)
Heinekin or Corona (you like foreigners, or you are one)
Stella Artois (you're artsy, arrogant, or can speak French)
Sam Adams (you love America and/or guns)
Bell's or some Porter (you like the Irish)
None of the above (you are lame)
All the above (you are coming over to my place later)