1. It's way too serious. It needs to learn to relax, maybe go out with friends and get laid.
2. We're all gonna die!!!!!
4. It's the end of the world as we know it.
5. It's a conspiracy of expansionistic Jewish socialists to get a Cold Stone Creamery into the West Bank.
6. It's of moderate concern but what really matters to me is what Miley Cyrus is doing today.
7. It's a bunch of know it all scientists justifying their grant money. The reality is that dinosaurs were responsible for 9/11.
8. It has been hot lately.
9. Current models show that even the dire predictions presented by Al Gore were too conservative and we're going to see a real impact within the next few years.
10. Man, screw Al Gore and his ass face.
11. Did you see the Day After Tomorrow? Cold is going to chase us down hallways and cause book burning. It's truly awful.
12. Green stuff is for veggie hippies. I'm a sausage man...Wait, that came out wrong.
13. There is no global warming, only Zule!