I'd find someone to serve the 17 months that he missed when he went home from his mission early
I would take him out for a classy night on the town. We would wear our best suits, go to a fancy dinner and even a play. At the end of the night, I would tell him I'll call him. The next day, I would actually call him, because I'm that classy.
I want to invite Max to my Festivus celebration. During the airing of grievances, I will tell him all the ways he has disappointed me over the past year. During the feats of strength, I will have my other guest Koa Misi battle Max until he cries like John
Instead of pouring Pabst Blue Ribbon on his mom, I will switch it up to Miller High Life. Because nothing says "classy" like the High Life. It is the Champagne of Beers and as we all know Champagne is french for "classy"
I'll give his family some ponchos, it's like beer attracts them or something. ;)
I'll be sure to respond politely when he asks me "Paper or Plastic" next year. And of course my response will be a classy 'Please use my green reusable grocery bags".
I would bottle his sweat and sell it as cologne. It would be called 'The Quest'. It is the scent that you get when you choke in the big games, but manage to win the small ones...so that covers up the scent of failure, and creates 'The Quest'...Max would t
Maybe Id give him a job...since he wont be able to get one in the state of Utah unless its in Provo.
Can I take you to CougarEats? Now thats classy
To show him just how classy I am I am going to send him a bottle of my finest 2009 vintage martinelli sparkling apple juice. Talk about class.